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I know,

I never visit this site as regularly as before.

And every time,

I always give an excuse.

But in the deepest abyss of my heart, I have longed to be here.

August had been a special month for me. Special, because I have found one of the greatest love of my Life. Now, it is still special… in another way.


August 23rd – 25th were not easy days.

I received a call from Germany, letting me know that Stefan had a heart attack. His first … and last one!

It was a sad news, and a very painful one, for it was so sudden. I was shocked! He was so full of life, with no trace of sickness. And yet, it happened. So many times during the phone call, his mother would ask me, “Joy, bist du noch da?” (“Joy, are you still there?”) For many times, I felt my tongue left me.

The 24th of August would have been our 4th official anniversary. But if we’d count the unofficial ones, it is close to 10 years that we’ve been together.

We started out as friends. No, without benefit. It was purely platonic. He had a girlfriend, and I had a life of my own. But we were a team. We supported each other through life’s ups and downs. We were best of friends. And so, it was so much later on in the relationship that we realized and decided to be life partners and raise kids together.

We have lived, laughed and even, fought. Yet the most important thing is, we have loved each other and stayed true, till Death parted the two of us.

But I know that the separation is only physical. Death is when we discard our earthly suits, to be one with the Source of All, to process what we have learned here and later on, might come back to learn some more. Death is the birth of our Soul, our true selves, into the Spirit World. It is when we go back Home, and become our true Selves.

As humans, we have been programmed to weep for the death of a loved one, to be attached to the outer physical covering, which is the body. We know not the Soul, who lived inside the body. We have forgotten of it, somehow.

Knowing about this cycle of Life and Death has kept me (or at least, I have learned and still continue to do so) unattached to all that is physical. My mother and my kids are not my own, and so is Stefan. Even my body is not my own, and not mine to keep. I wept, but not for long.

What’s left in my heart is not pain, but only Gratitude and Love.

I am so thankful that we have met. That in my mess of a life, he found me and literally, picked me up. He had taught and helped me in various ways, so many but don’t want to enumerate for he already knows. He was, for me, my personal Angel, sent to help me along the way. And now, his great work is done.


Thank you, Stefan! Vielen Dank!

Ich habe Dich ganz, ganz liebt, mein Schatz.

Until we meet again…